She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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