why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
