He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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