So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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