Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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