Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
