nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Your penis caused this!
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