so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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