I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
