Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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