No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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