I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
