who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
