Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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