Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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