You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
