What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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