she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
