Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
