Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.