Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
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Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
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I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?