Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?