I'm so fucking centered right now
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
