I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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