am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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