My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
