I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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