the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
