he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
