if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
