end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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