he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
