I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
