my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
