best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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