Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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