Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
