R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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