my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
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Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
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I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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