You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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