Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
