I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
