He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
