ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
