WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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