I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
