i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
