im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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