I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
