you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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