Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Randomize
