she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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