I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
