Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
