We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
