i just made my gag reflex go away.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
