You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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