I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
