I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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