I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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