He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize