Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
