Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
