I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
