so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
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what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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