sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
