Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
