There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
