I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
