Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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