Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
