Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
