It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
