I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
