so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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