how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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