I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
