i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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