I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
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He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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